waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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