I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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