Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
