Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
