Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
