You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
