By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just invented taco cereal.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
