turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This house was built for laser tag.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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