Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I believe in your delicious
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize