do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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