I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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