people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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