So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
