walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
