just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
