he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
