I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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