he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
