All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
