I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
