oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
