Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
