Moan for me like Helen Keller
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
