found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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