did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
