But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You ruined the universe
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
