I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize