Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize