I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
