I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
