saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
