I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
