Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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