I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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