Got a toothbrush?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize