How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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