I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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