He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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