There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
