woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
