i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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