Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
