I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
