I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
