Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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