I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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