I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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