he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
