What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
