so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
