I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
