You're so nebulous sometimes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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