Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
