Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
