I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
