So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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