I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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