That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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