My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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