He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
