Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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