I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
