shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
