and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
