i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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