Dual....:-)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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