just survived the first fart of the relationship.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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