Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
