Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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