she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
