I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
