true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
