before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
