in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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