I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
