oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
