Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
