Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
