on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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