i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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