Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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