My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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