Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize